Archive of columns.

12/14/98: This week's question:

Lady Esmene reads the cards:

Just look at all the court cards in this reading; clearly we're dealing with a reigning member of the Hollywood Royal Family! I adore Brad Pitt, so yummy; and it's great to know he's destined for a simply splendiferous year!

The question is laid out in Cards 1 and 2, the Prince of Wands and Challenge. Brad Pitt is indeed the Prince of Wands - a strong, confident, cocky young man; the question is: what challenges does he face in 1999?

This makes Card 3, the Challenge card, particularly significant in this reading: it's Loss. Darling Brad is going to be challenged to face some kind of Loss this year!

But what kind of loss will it be? Card 4, God's purpose in this situation, is the King of Cups. Brad's loss is a difficult one which is faced by all of us at some point in our lives: it's the loss of Youth. It's time for Brad to lose that wild, impetuous Prince of Wands persona, and step into his new persona as King of Cups - a strong, logical man in control of his emotions. A forceful, manly presence. A Leader.

The 5th Card, the card of the Present and where we've come from, is Charity. Brad has been quite charitable with his own youthful foibles up to this time, but no more; it's time to move on, to face his...

Glory! (Card 6, the Future.) Brad cannot come into his full Glory until he accepts this change in himself, until he acknowledges himself as the King of Cups!

Card 7 is the question we should have asked, and what a card: it's the Devil! Brad Pitt is facing huge temptations in his life; will he be able to find the Force within him to repel the temptations and illusions and do what is right?

The card of the archetype acting in this situation, Card 8, tells us what these temptations are. The King of Pentacles, the card of the sensual businessman, tells us that Brad has been clinging to his young man persona because that's where all the money has been for him - and we all know what a temptation money can be!

The archetype Brad should be modeling in this situation, Card 9, is the Princess of Wands card. Note that this is another Wands court card - the suit of action, and fire. The Princess of Wands knows what she wants, and she gets it. Brad needs to be forceful in putting his temptations behind him and grabbing onto his new persona!

And we have a happy ending: Card 10, the Destiny card, is the Queen of Swords, the destroyer of illusion! Brad Pitt will be successful in facing his challenge: he will accept his new role as Leading Man (instead of Leading Boy); he will find Glory as Hollywood's newest King of Cups; he's going to start taking on the manly commando action-hero sorts of roles!

The boy is growing up! I predict: Brad Pitt in Terminator III!

Madame Esmeralda responds:

What a yawn. I'll make this short since I still have Christmas shopping to do for my neighbors, and that sale on dog poop bags at Walmart won't last forever.

Brad Pitt is indeed going to be challenged with a major Loss this year, a Loss that will force him to face all his illusions about himself and his place as crown prince of the Hollywood royalty.

This is the year Brad Pitt will lose the rest of his hair. He'll be as bald as Darth Vadar without his helmet by next Whitsuntide.